Hi, Dre here.
You probably know me as “Harrison101” on YouTube. See, there’s been a follow-up to a post I wrote on here on Day 28 of the 30 in 30, talking about the state of play for Women in Motorsport. In that piece, I indirectly mentioned Tiametmarduk, the #1 F1 YouTuber on the Internet, and his hairline. Since then, it’s been brought to my attention that the article has been passed around, to him in particular, and it’s caused a lot of controversy and dissension on social media, so I felt like this would be the most appropriate way to respond.
First of all, I need to tell you all something that only one other person knows about. See that Day 28 post? It’s already been changed once. You see, in the middle of that social media firestorm the night of its posting, I did something really stupid. I indirectly threw shade at a good friend. Someone I have a lot of respect for. Someone who just so happens to be a woman, and just so happens to be an editor at MotoGP.com. The line about being on Dorna’s payroll? Yeah, that line.
That was a horrendous misjudgment on my part. How often do you see on tweeting profiles: “My views don’t represent my employer”. That’s an important thing to note. The person I offended in my post, is the definition of someone in that space, breaking down those barriers and being the change that so many other women in that space want to be. And I had that voice silenced because of someone else. Because someone’s point of view didn’t file directly in line with mine. That’s a huge ME problem and I should have handled that way better than I did. We agreed that there was a lot of agreement in what we had to say, but the way I went about it was wrong. Massively. I apologised and removed the offending line.
That goes hand in hand with the sly dig at Ben. While I do think it was a line that was taken out of context, I also admit I opened the door for the line to be constructed in that fashion. I could have made my point in a much more coherent fashion, and I let my frustration and anger get the better of me, and that channeled into my work. As much as I know that my passion and wearing my heart on my sleeve is a huge part of me and my work, I also need to learn to keep that side of my emotions in line and under control, otherwise, posts like Day 28 happen.
I openly admit that I feel a part of my character has been made toxic by F1 on Social Media. It’s a space that has had many an explosion over the last 5 years, from misleading thumbnails to people’s inner motives, to early access and development of the games, to the divides of big and small YouTubers. I’m tired of it, it drags me downs me down and it’s another reason I stopped making F1 gaming videos in January 2016, because it was making me miserable.
I’ve had to look at myself in the mirror and realise, that hey… I can’t be the guy that preaches empathy and understanding of scenarios, while at the same time, using this place, and other outlets I have to indirectly throw shade and do the opposite of what I say. I have to practice what I preach, or otherwise, I’m not being a decent human being, I’m just being a hypocrite with a bad attitude.
So, to Ben, to the person in the piece I mentioned earlier, I apologise. I should have probably slept on my thoughts a little more and wrote what I said when I wasn’t so emotionally charged. I’m not asking for forgiveness, I’m not playing a victim, I completely own what I said and the errors that came about with it. I need to do better. I just hope you all can understand. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the content that I and others put out, and I learn to be the change, I so often talk about.
PS: Out of respect, I have also removed the offending line about Ben. I hope we can all move on from this in peace. And Ben, if you ever want to talk about it in person, reach out, you know where to find me.